'You want a my child free wedding': Bride throws child-free wedding, deliberately excluding her 17-year-old niece, the only 'child' in the family

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Feb 23, 2024 6:00 PM EST

I understand the appeal of a child-free wedding. After all, wedding ceremonies require the spectators to sit still and shut up, and wedding receptions usually have a lot of drunk people staying up late. Kids can't always handle either of those situations, and sometimes it's best to be better safe than sorry. 

There isn't always an explicit cutoff for ages at a child-free wedding. Does a kid have to be 18 to attend a child-free wedding? Isn't a 16-year-old functionally identical to an 18-year-old in this setting, especially if you're in a country where you have to be 21 to drink? One bride put this theory to the test when she announced to her family that her intimate wedding of 30 people would be child-free. That would be all well and good, except that there is only one child in the family, and she's 17 years old. Feels pointed, no?

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  • 01
    r/AmltheAsshole u/Eastern-Second-2528 23h AITA for "throwing a tantrum" because my child wasn't invited to a childfree wedding? Not the Mode
    via u/Eastern-Second-2528
  • 02
    My sister is getting remarried and she wants a very small wedding with only immediate family. Yesterday we got her wedding invitation and to my surprise it said that the wedding is childfree and my child isn't invited. My child is 17yo, going 18 soon. Btw my child is the only one under 18 in our family (and in the groom's family) so she is the only one being excluded.
    via u/Eastern-Second-2528
  • 03
    I called my sister and asked her if she is fking serious? She said I'm sorry but we have decided that we want a childfree wedding. I told her to just say you want a "my child" free wedding and get over with it because this is exactly what you are doing. We got into an argument and she told me to stop throwing a tantrum and my child doesn't need to be included in everything. I told her that we won't be attending her wedding then and she called me for not supporting her an
    via u/Eastern-Second-2528
  • 04
    itshowswhoyouare • 23h Partassipant [1] The people defending the sister in this with the "her wedding/ her rules" are so infuriating. It's anti-social behavior, exclusionary, and just I'm proud of you for defending your daughter OP. The people acting like she's not a person with feelings, an entire human being because she is 17 are entirely disgusting and there's absolutely no justification for it. I wouldn't support my sister doing that either. This isn't some friend and OP's daughter isn't som
    via u/itshowswhoyouare
  • 05
    Eastern-Second-2528 OP • 23h ● I'm convinced that reddit hates kids. They are all acting like my daughter is a monster and should be shunned because she *checks notes" is a bit quiet ... 10.4k
    via u/Eastern-Second-2528
  • 06
    PurpledEyedOcelot 22h ● I actually do detest kids, but I think you're in the right. Your sister was targeting your family specifically, and 17 is really not developmentally any different than 18. Your sister needs to get a grip. NTA. ... 48k 8k
    via u/PurpledEyedOcelot
  • 07
    Pandora2304 • 22h ● Same. Child free weddings usually mean "I don't want the 3 yo throwing a tantrum during our first dance" and while there are ways to arrange childcare/ rules that allow a wedding to be nice and undisturbed by kids attending, I can see why some opt for a child free one. In this case though that's just nonsense. Your daughter is a minor, but not more of a child than her 18yo cousin. What your sister does is othering and not okay. Calling it "child free" is just an excuse 1.8k
    via u/Pandora2304
  • 08
    lihzee . 23h Sultan of Sphincter [750] NTA. I don't think this qualifies as a tantrum. I do have to ask, is there a reason your sister wouldn't want your kid at her wedding? Past bad behavior or anything? 46.7K Reply
    via u/lihzee
  • 09
    Eastern-Second-2528 OP 23h ● My kid is the quietest, most well behaved kid in our family. Though a lot of family members don't really like her because of how quiet she is ↑ 4k ↓ ...
    via u/Eastern-Second-2528
  • 10
    lihzee • 23h Sultan of Sphincter [750] I thought they were the only kid in your family? G 4 1.6k
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  • 11
    Eastern-Second-2528 OP • 23h The only one under 18. The other ones are not much older they are around 18-21 43.8k ...
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  • 12
    11SkiHill 22h Enthusiast [7] ● Wouldn't it be karma if the eighteen to twenty one year olds got super drunk and made scenes? Haha AA 43.7K 3.7k
    via u/11SkiHill
  • 13
    DaxxyDreams. 23h So what I am understanding, based on your comments, is that you are the maid of honor, your daughter is a month shy of turning 18, other young people between the ages of 18-21 are attending, those young people are all males, and your daughter is disliked for being too shy and quiet. Yeah, I do think you have reason to feel insulted and excluded. I don't know if there's sexism invo ed, but it feels like it. I don't know why your daughter is quiet around her own family, maybe ther
    via u/DaxxyDreams
  • 14
    EDIT: I noticed I'm getting feedback from people saying maybe there's nothing more to the fact that's she's just a quiet kid. I get that. I was a quiet kid, too. Sometimes there's no rhyme or reason for being a quiet kid, it's just nature. That said, OP says the family doesn't seem to like her because she's quiet, which seems an extreme response, and based on all the other factors, I just feel like there are missing reasons here. Why are the boys ok to go to the wedding and not the girl? Why is
    via u/DaxxyDreams
  • 15
    jadeariel12 23h Partassipant [3] You should tell her you can't attend because you don't have child care for your child lol Reply 44.7k ...
    via u/jadeariel12
  • 16
    Styx-n-String • 22h This is awesome. YOU: "Sorry I can't be at your wedding, I can't find childcare." SIS: "But Niece is old enough to take care of herself for a day." YOU: "But shes not mature enough not to get herself in trouble, so she needs to be supervised at all times." SIS: "Don't be silly, of course she won't get herself in trouble. It's only a few hours." YOU: "So you're saying she's NOT a child?" SIS: ". ..... 11 2.6k
    via u/Styx-n-String
  • 17
    __Grim_The_Reaper_. 23h That's a weird one lol. I feel like normally it would be a "their wedding, their rules" situation and I'd say grow up and get over it, BUT this is not that situation. Your grown (pretty much) child is literally the only one being excluded. I can't even imagine what is probably going through that 17 y/o girl's head right now. She's probably wondering why her family doesn't like her. You should definitely talk to her and make sure she knows that some people are just ridicul
    via u/__Grim_The_Reaper_
  • 18
    Edit: I was reading comments and saw that there are a group of 18-20 year old boys who are invited and people keeping questioning you about your daughter being the only child in the family. "WELL WHICH IS IT??" Yall know that pretty much most of the earth refers to their grown nieces, nephews, and personal children as "kids" even when they turn 18? I get what you're saying OP, and I still say NTA. Your sister imo ΝΤΑ ... Reply 2.3k
    via u/__Grim_The_Reaper_
  • 19
    Potter_Moron • 22h are I think a lot of "your wedding, your rules" situations are cases where the bride and groom , but get away with it because of that attitude. I'm not sure why couples are given passes to do whatever they want with the expectation that all will be forgiven because it's their special day. People absolutely remember this type of petty Anyway, NTA here. 4473
    via u/Potter_Moron
  • 20
    Ma Se Solivagant0. 23h Aficionado [10] INFO: 1. Is your sister close to your child? 2. Does your child want to go? 3. How many people are invited? ... Reply 4858
    via u/Solivagant0
  • 21
    No Yes Eastern-Second-2528 OP • 23h About 30 or so? : ... 752
    via u/Eastern-Second-2528

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bride wedding party wedding weddings family drama Crazy Brides childfree niece reddit story family feud family reddit thread bridezilla Reddit mom exclusion
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